Blame Lycon

Wow, the story of Lycon goes from highs to lows. Starts out sorta beautiful with the creation of earth. Its very lovely and everything is happy and good. Sunrises and sunsets and pretty little flowers and Lucy Lui's smiling face, then BAM! Everything goes to hell and humanity is massacred in a pretty cool genocide. Why did those old guys love floods so much? Seriously, Gilgamesh, Ovid, the Old Testament. But what the hey? I love genocide as much as the next guy. Haha... No. That's for the New World Order... or Cylons... or frankly, both. I could totally see being eliminated by Cylons in the future.

Anyway, you can blame humanity's mass drowning on Lycon, the first werewolf. Jupiter and his cronies sit on some high mountain discussing how much humans suck hardcore, oh so hardcore, we all hate humans, kill! kill! kill! Jupiter bellows with his mighty muzzle, "And this one time I was walkin around earth, you know like I do? I was in man form, cuz you know. Then I showed up at Lycon's party and everyone bowed cuz I showed them my signal. But that Lycon dude didn't believe me. What a dick!" murmurings of agreement from the other gods. "Yeah, I know. So Lycon grabs one of his servants behind my back, slits his throat, then, oh you are not going to believe this, my gods, he tries to disguise the corpse and feed it to me!" gasps. "Yeah guys, I know, humans suck hardcore! I told you. And so I zap him with a lightning bolt. It goes through his body. And don't laugh, but his hair was all staticy like when you put your head against something fuzzy. Then get this, he tries to run, but he turns into wolf. Oh gods, humanity sure does suck. Let's kill them all." Yeah you're right. Kill them all.

So there you go, the story of Lycon. Jupiter uses it for his justification when he drowns humanity in one HUMONGOUS flood. Lycon? Where have I heard that before? Oh that's right: those terrible underworld movies with all the werewolves. I guess they are not terrible, just bland. But bland is worse than terrible. You can't even laugh at it. It's just there.

What I found the most interesting is that there are no survivors. You though Jehovah was bad! The gods just kill humanity. That's right: There no Noah! Or that one dude in Gilgamesh, I don't remember his name! It's just pure destruction. The Romans were kind of downers. I mean, the other guys at least gave humanity a chance. Nah, the Romans kill us all. (One more thing: Jehovah is similar to Jove. And Bachus is similar to Jesus. Then you start seeing connections all over the place.)

Speaking of awesome. That Battlestar finale was really good.