Clap Your Hands!

Hi! I'm Nick Axline. You'll know me as the kinda cute kid who sits in the back of the class and doesn't say anything! Naw, I'm joshing, I'm really very ugly. Hideous in fact. A living troll creature. My nose is large and bulbous, warts growing over it like algea. My eyes are a vicious red, evil, terrifying to behold. My hair is wirey, crinkled, something that a witch would wear. This all seems so painfully hip, doesn't it? Nodding quickly. I agree, but I don't know how else to start. Maybe I'm having such a hard time getting going because the janitor cleaning the bathroom is whistling. Always the same tune, unfamiliar, not catchy, annoying. Doesn't he realize these walls are thin? That I can hear his every out-of-tune note? Ug... it's this sort of thing that drives a person back to his proto days. Admittedly, I have nothing to write about going into this. So what's the point of continuing on? Why don't I just stop now, and forget I even started? Shut down the computer, take a cigar out of my pocket, light it up, breath in deeply, release the tension. Oh yeah. But something compels me to trudge on. Splatter my thoughts onto the computer screen. Perhaps I'm just stalling from doing homework that is more pressing, or maybe I just like writing. Dare I say, maybe a combination of both? (Imagine my eyebrow rising in a suggestive way, half smirk.) And I do seem to be taking exceedingly long with an introductory paragraph. The only thing I'm really leaving out is pointless shout-outs to pop cultures references. Hmmm, maybe for the next paragraph. I truly am a Post-modern man.

The other day, in English 210, my lady teacher asked the class what we believed mythology was. She talked fast, smiling, teeth-bared, handing out a sheet with a bunch of quotes about mythology. Oh jeez, the quotes were so painful. So... easy. And these terrible quotes seemed to send the class into some sort of self-gratification fury. A bunch of hands shot up, throwing their "hipster" ideas out there. Self-indulging their own intelligence. I'm sure afterwards, many came out thinking they were the best thing since tylonel, Barack Obama, or, dare I say, toilet paper. But don't get me wrong, I have the most bloated ego to ever grace terra firma! I practically worship myself, and my alter is my computer. But when I come across other people who's heads are also firmly shoved up their own crack... well, ha, it bugs me. Let's face it, hippies/intellectuals/ego-retards they are the most grown-inducingly, teeth-clenchingly, assholes God ever gave us. (But they are God's creatures too, don't forget!) Now humbleness, the ability to laugh, admit you were wrong, that's something I can appreciate. It's also a very rare gift. When you run across these people it's like a breath of fresh air. Great example: Dumbledore. (There, I got my pointless shout out in.) I notice in J.K. Rowling's universe, humbleness is next to Godliness. Seriously, all the "good" characters are humble, while all the "evil" ones are arrogant jerks. But perhaps that's just fantasy cliche. (Speaking of emotionally confused, depressed, messed-up people, Lost is back on tonight! And don't forget BSG on fridays. Final Cylon is...)

But what is mythology? Seems my Eng 210 teacher (and much of my class) is firmly set on the idea that it's religion. That it requires some form of tradition or worship ceremony to go a long with it. Dictionary.com says it's, "a set of stories, traditions, or beliefs associated with a particular group or the history of an event, arising naturally or deliberately fostered". So that begs the question, is worship or ceremony really intregal to mythology? How is the story of Hercules, Perseus, Thor, Loki, Zeus (the list goes on and on) different from Superman, Spiderman, or the Hulk (again the list goes on and on and on and on)? And my answer is very little. Both tie a group of people together. Both are set in their own separate make-believe worlds. Mythology's function is binding, for entertainment. There is a clear distinction between it and religion.

So what is the point of learning about mythology? If we can claim Supes, Megatron, Voldemort, and Ironman as part of our own collective mythology? Well, like what the Cylons like to remind, "All this has happened before, and will happen again." Everything that happens is based on people who have come before. As our country slides into the Great Depression 2! (this time it means business), is it not important for us to remember the 1920's? As more challenging times loom, should we not look to our grandfather's for advice? The fed has been creating money at the fastest rate than it ever has. This is a response to the mistake of the past. Even freaking Baz Luhrmann is getting in on the action by directing "The Great Gatsby". This bloated-head dingbat had this to say, "If you wanted to show a mirror to people that says, 'You've been drunk on money,' they're not going to want to see it. But if you reflected that mirror on another time they'd be willing to..." (Maybe I'm being a little hard on the man that directed "Moulin Rouge!", but do I really need to hear I'm "drunk on money" from a Hollywood director?)

As our world looks to Obama to save us, should we not be a little worried about what might come from it? We are in dire straights, banks are being bailed out, companies cutting jobs, and Obama wants to create more debt. When will people learn that government run entities are corrupt and unweildy, and why are we rejecting our free market principles when they have gotten it right so far. The housing bubble was the government's falt. Why have them fix it? Makes no sense.

But now we arrive at Obama's strength. His humbleness, and so called willingness to listen to others with other point of views. He chatted with McCain, Bush, and is trying to get approval from the Republicans in the House and Senate, but we haven't seen yet whether he is a new "great communicater". I hope he listens to Ron Paul and others like him, people who are willing to do what is right. (Not people who are going to put band-aids over booboos and wait to solve them for another day. I like that politicians listen to those who didn't see these problems coming, but not to those who did.) Is Obama really the messiah we have all been waiting for? Is his willingness to cooperate, reason, and listen similar to Jesus Christ? But what does that make Bush? GOD! God never listened to anybody. Arrogant, full of himself, a badass. (God, I hate Bush!)